I can’t apply to jobs. It makes my heart race and pound and scream like an alarm: stop!! wrong way!! Don’t fucking do it. It’s a trap!! Even reading the job descriptions it’s like: seeking an inspired and blah blah leader who wants to sell their autonomy, time, energy, creativity, & individuality to a big fat ugly machine that’s only goal is to make money. Like I can’t do it. I’m thinking of being a barista. I saw this San Francisco barista who has been posted up at the same spot for 2+ years and I’m like, if they can live in SF on a barista’s salary, I can do it in Boulder. Catch me warming up people’s cwassans and falling in love with my customers lol. And in WINTER omg like a rom-com.
I would rather do that. And maybe work at a plant shop. Literally. I would be down. Learn about coffee & plants – two of my favorite things. I honestly feel like both are kinda dark – maybe that’s just because they are inherently extractive bc of capitalism. Eeeeekkkk that’s what it comes down to. All this job application bullshit and me not being able to do it. I just literally cannot live under capitalism. I should be able to live without selling myself to some corporate overlord to stay alive. I would be a teacher if they were paid more. Think about that. The educators in the world’s most powerful country (at present, especially if this bs continues) aren’t paid enough to live. And don’t even get me started on gatekeeping in medical and legal fields bc of wealth & income. Women buying their own tampons. Talk about the gender-wage gap – what about the gender-spend gap? Why are women preyed upon so heavily under capitalism? Ugh. The whole thing freaks me out.
And who is accountable?? That’s my thing. Is like: if this laptop is seeping radiation into my body or my phone is disintegrating my cerebral cortex, will Apple get in trouble? Or will they just pay their way out of it? I wonder if Karl Marx would have had an iPhone.
All I’m saying is do we really live in a free society if we are forced to sell ourselves – over a third of our waking lives – just to exist comfortably? Is freedom spending the health & vibrancy of our youth “paying our dues,” never getting to the top of a system designed to oppress and exploit? Is freedom being brainwashed to conflate consumerism with self-expression?
I do not feel free.
Random tangents:
Dude. Ultimate list of people – supreme jay rotation: Karl Marx, Ilana Glazer, Bono. I don’t even know who Bono is but like I want him there bc I think he would contribute to the group dynamic. Supreme cartoon jay rotation: Cosmo & Wanda, the grandma from Moana, Sheen, Chicken Joe.
I wanna live in a commune. Adding to bucket list.
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